Match Reports

Kendall Wanderers A 8 - 1 FC Sporting Wood (Cup 2nd Round)

Match Statistics

BSSL Cup 2ns Round
Medford High School
Kickoff Time:
Pitch Conditions:
Team Lineup:
Paul Valente, Kenny McCarthy, Matty Scheuf, Bobby Picco, Ben Leavy, Ben DS, Philly Keane, Pat Day (Capt),Erik Lekstrom, Mo Keita, Mark Nolan
Greg, Wes, Decky, Rob
Team Formation:
Goal Scorers:
Erik, Mo, Nolan(3), Ben Levy(2), Pat
Man of the Match:

Kendall A ended saturday morning with an emphatic 8-1 win in Medford... dont ask me who against because i haven't got a faking clue. the lads started off with a weakened team at best… with reserve team striker Mark Nolan getting a rare call up for the cup game… manager Phil Keane making the highly controversial decision of leaving his captain Declan Hunter on the bench… there was immediate unrest amongst the crowd when the team sheet was read out, many fans traveling hundreds of miles to see the Derry playmaker in action…

the game started off at a very slow pace, with the division 3 side largely dictating the play… the Kendall midfield all over the shop… Ben DS's back was broke carrying Philly…. 'stick to the over 30s!' was the chant from the crowd. FC sporting wood created an early chance with the striker clean through… should have been 1 nil if it wasn't for the last ditch challenge from the veteran Kendall defender…. "Is that Paolo Maldini?" a young onlooker said to his father…. 'No son, thats Kenny fucking McCarthy'….

With Kendall on the back foot, the early indications were that the coach made a serious balls of his team selection, continuing to leave his star man Hunter on the bench. perhaps he had an eye on the champions league final later that afternoon... who knows? FC Sporting Wood continued to dominate, with second string goalkeeper PaulieV almost directing a tame shot into his own goal with the effort appearing to go wide.

The defense was all over the place, Steve and Matty must have been on the rock n' roll on friday night because there is no way you can just become that bad overnight… Bobby seemed fresh enough but this could have been all so different had the doormen accepted his fake ID. Kenny was livid… he can barely carry a bucket of paint up a ladder these days, let alone the whole Kendall defence…. The midfield looked largely disinterested, Pat Rice more interested in soaking up a few rays… given a starting berth purely because of his 'assistant manager' tag. Norbets friend was trying his best… but he was never going to fill the shoes of the Derry pele. the crowd was starting to get uneasy, paying all this money to come and watch this shite…. Mo and Mark where having a horror show up top, club president John O'Toole watching from the stands in disapproval of the big money signings making a mockery of the club with their below par performances…

With the team a general shit show, clearly, it was time for change… enter declan hunter. the playmaker entered the pitch to a rapturous reception from the crowd, with certain parts of the stands calling for manager Phil Keanes head. i mean seriously, player and manager? what kind of a fuckin gig is this man running? Hunter was given the captains armband with a license to roam; and immediately started pulling the strings; With FC sporting wood playing with 8 men, Hunter beat 9 of them to put Kendall into the lead with a breathtaking goal. this followed with a quick second from the irishman, hammering home from 45 yards. the hatrick was completed within 10 minutes of Hunter entering the pitch, another sublime goal, this time nutmegging the centreback and finishing crisply past the helpless keeper. halftime and once again it was hunter to the rescue.. manager phil keane left with egg in his face.

with the game seemingly put to bed, manager phil keane decided to let Mo leave to attend to his 'other job', paving the way for the number 9 ben lombardo, immediately grabbing a one on one opportunity with the goal keeper only two make a complete hash of it… he did however make amends from the penalty spot to put the Kendall side 4-0 up…. FC Sporting Wood did manage to pull one back on the hour mark… mark nolan giving the ball away again… this time even Kenny wasn't there to save him… 4-1.. before the ball even hit the back of the net the fourth official put up his electronic board for number 42.. Nolan OFF, Greggie van wolkswinkel on… with the speedy winger immediately making an impact delivering a pinpoint pass to Pat Rice at the back post to make it 5-1.. could this signal the end of Nolans days as a footballer? probably….

not content with 5-1, Hunter continued to galvanize the players around him… providing a precise pass to little Eric to make it 6… the useless fucker nearly missed it. Some of the Kendall players started to get complacent, particularly new signing Rob who continues to disimpress at centre half…. if only Kenny was 20 years younger. Wes Houlahan also looked lethargic… manager Phil Keane again not happy. Hunter continued to pull the strings in the free role… manager Jose Mourinho early today publicly stating his admiration for the playmaker with a big money move to sunny Madrid expected to go through in the summer… surely he cant continue to develop at such a high rate with the horrible, horrible, horrible players in his company.

Ben DS soon made it 7-1 with a deflected effort on the 80th minute… poor shot, poor goalkeeping…poor goal. any with Mo Syzlak getting cut from his other job… the reserve striker even returned to the lads to nick an 8th goal for the Kendall side. Hunter with the assist.

all in all the scoreline somewhat flattered the Kendall As, with all the lads going back to the boozer for a feed of pints… with Hunter declining the opportunity as he does not drink.. bar would have been shit craic without him anyways…

By: Decky "Soon to be the Hunted" Hunter

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